Thankfully, I have had the pleasure of staying with Emma and Jonah while their mother is in Canada. Time will fly by this week.
My thoughts for today are:
Please God do not let me stumble for words like I normally do when I get nervous (or even when I am not nervous)!
Example- I had a patient a few weeks ago that had an orthopedic operation. I was giving discharge instructions to her and her husband explaining all the do's and don'ts. I showed them how to use the ice bag and placed it behind her knee: But I said, as I was placing it behind her knee; "You can even place it behind her EAR." Immediately we all started laughing and I said maybe an anatomy course will help! Now of course, her surgeon is one of my favorites so I had to tell him! Giving discharge instructions are easy breezy but for some reason that day my words were not coming out right???!!!
Even though I perceive myself to be a confident woman, I still do not like groups of people looking at me. This may sound strange but in college speech class I shook like a leaf! I know where this stems from but that feeling is so ingrained in me that it would take major therapy : ) to get past the shakes!! Hopefully this will not happen, if it does I know everyone will be there to pick me up!
Please do not let me cry because I do not look good with mascara running down my face!! Oh, I will cry. Better take some tissues in case I have raccoon eyes and a runny nose!!
That is it for today!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,The Day
It is Monday, the beginning of a very special week! I have waited almost forty-two years to meet my first born daughter and in a few days I will be able to hug her, look into her eyes and tell her how much I have always loved her.
This will be a new chapter in our lives. I am so excited to meet Dave and all the kids. Can you believe I have five new Grand Children to love and learn about! When I think about it it is overwhelming, exciting, unbelievable,surreal,absolutely the most wonderful thing that I could ever imagine would happen. It is so ironic the note,from the search angel,came the night before the fifth anniversary of my mother's death.
So, here we go! A week of new beginnings and hopefully the rest of our lives to continue the journey.
This will be a new chapter in our lives. I am so excited to meet Dave and all the kids. Can you believe I have five new Grand Children to love and learn about! When I think about it it is overwhelming, exciting, unbelievable,surreal,absolutely the most wonderful thing that I could ever imagine would happen. It is so ironic the note,from the search angel,came the night before the fifth anniversary of my mother's death.
So, here we go! A week of new beginnings and hopefully the rest of our lives to continue the journey.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Race day
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| Erin during the Denver marathon |
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| One of her many races! |
It is now almost 6pm and we have not been able to track Erin since 2pm and for a mother this is very nerve racking. We worked on the yard, made salsa out of the tomatoes picked from the garden and are now watching a movie. Bill is sleeping, kids are watching the movie and I am stewing. The only communication we have is through Erin's friend, Matt,who is in Canada. Shortly after 4pm Canada time, Erin was six miles into her run and per Matt looked great! I will try to calm down and wait it out..not much else to do.
Erin just completed her race in 12:39 which was much faster than her other ironman races. I am so proud of her and am glad that she is done and safe. I always worry about her until she is done. I hear she looked great at 13 mile run and I know she finished strong! I wish I was there to give her a hug and tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her
Erin is an inspiration to all..with hard work and perseverance your dreams can come true.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
The Final Countdown
This is it, only one more week until I meet Wendy and her family. Next week at this time we will all be in Phoenix and the long awaited dream will come true. I am sure we are all nervous, excited, apprehensive, scared, ecstatic and have many other emotions. We will all take a deep breath and let God lead the way!
I am so thankful to Amber for making this part of the journey with me. She will be my Rock as always! Amber is amazing and is one of the strongest women I know. She has had so many trials in her life but has come through each as a stronger person. Thank you again for being my travel partner.
Woo Hoo..Phoenix here we come!!
I am so thankful to Amber for making this part of the journey with me. She will be my Rock as always! Amber is amazing and is one of the strongest women I know. She has had so many trials in her life but has come through each as a stronger person. Thank you again for being my travel partner.
Woo Hoo..Phoenix here we come!!
Being a stay-at-home Mom for a week
My time to stay with Emma and Jonah officially started yesterday. I worked until three and the most important thing on my mind all day was to remember to go to their house and not to the Condo. Well, that was not hard because Jonah called twice right before I left work!! By the time I got to their house, Jonah was watering the garden ( without being asked) and Emma soon got home from school. Now I had to actually figure out what they wanted for dinner.
What do You two want for dinner?
I don't care
Well there has to be something that sounds good.
I don't know
Jonah, what sounds good to you; tacos, salmon chicken?
Emma has been wanting White Chili
Ok, its only 98 degrees outside but Chili it is..how do you make white chili?
Aunt TT knows!
I called Tiffany, she gave me her recipe and off to the store we went to pick up all the ingredients that were not around the house..which was most of them : ). We came home, kids went to the swim pool and I made dinner. Actually, the chili tasted great but needed more salt ( per Jonah, Master Chef in Training) I am not used to cooking with table salt, only kosher, so I did have some problems with the seasoning. We watched a movie which ended at 8:30 then off to bed!
I read until shortly after 10 with the kitty, Moder, lying next to me. Little did I know that was the beginning of a long night of bonding.
Moder must weigh about 15 lbs he is huge compared to my little rascals.
During the night he slept on my head, draped across my neck, curled up by my side and woke me up every hour by kneading my shoulder, back or arm. Because he is an outdoor cat, the pads of his paws are rough and each time he would knead my arm or shoulder it felt like sandpaper! When he sat on my head I woke up wondering if he had fleas and if he did would they jump into my hair!!! I checked this morning and he does not have fleas..I don't think we have fleas in Colorado but I am not sure..I know we had them in Missouri.
Up this morning, made lunches then they were off to school. No, whining, dawdling or fighting. They were smiling and in good moods. Boy was this different from what I remember about my kids! I think this will be a great week and I will be so sad when the time is over.
What do You two want for dinner?
I don't care
Well there has to be something that sounds good.
I don't know
Jonah, what sounds good to you; tacos, salmon chicken?
Emma has been wanting White Chili
Ok, its only 98 degrees outside but Chili it is..how do you make white chili?
Aunt TT knows!
I called Tiffany, she gave me her recipe and off to the store we went to pick up all the ingredients that were not around the house..which was most of them : ). We came home, kids went to the swim pool and I made dinner. Actually, the chili tasted great but needed more salt ( per Jonah, Master Chef in Training) I am not used to cooking with table salt, only kosher, so I did have some problems with the seasoning. We watched a movie which ended at 8:30 then off to bed!
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| Jonah and Emma |
I read until shortly after 10 with the kitty, Moder, lying next to me. Little did I know that was the beginning of a long night of bonding.
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| My buddy! |
Moder must weigh about 15 lbs he is huge compared to my little rascals.
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| You can see how he takes up most of the bed! |
During the night he slept on my head, draped across my neck, curled up by my side and woke me up every hour by kneading my shoulder, back or arm. Because he is an outdoor cat, the pads of his paws are rough and each time he would knead my arm or shoulder it felt like sandpaper! When he sat on my head I woke up wondering if he had fleas and if he did would they jump into my hair!!! I checked this morning and he does not have fleas..I don't think we have fleas in Colorado but I am not sure..I know we had them in Missouri.
Up this morning, made lunches then they were off to school. No, whining, dawdling or fighting. They were smiling and in good moods. Boy was this different from what I remember about my kids! I think this will be a great week and I will be so sad when the time is over.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Photo Album
I want Wendy to know about the new family she will be adding in September. The kids made me a DVD( Amber did so much work on it) a few years ago for my birthday and I had hoped to down load the pictures on my IPad to bring to Arizona so she could see the rest of her new family. Darn, I did not realize that you can not download a DVD to my computer, it has to be a CD. Well I have now been trying to duplicate the DVD with pictures I have downloaded in the computer to Wendy's Album! I will then sync those pictures to my IPad!! Oh My Gosh..I am learning so many new things!
I want to tell her about her Davis family! Mom and Dad were married for over 50 years, wish I could say the same! They were such a beautiful couple, they liked to party and had so many friends over the years. Dad was a salesman for United Metro concrete and later became their VP of sales. Mom was a homemaker except for a couple of years that she worked in a doctor's office.
I was born the day after my Great Grandfather, my dad's grandpa, died. From what I have been told, he was a very proud Native American of the Chickasaw Tribe. My dad, and his family, spoke the Chickasaw language in their home but my mother always felt uncomfortable with it so we were not taught the language. My mother told me that before my Great grandfather died, he told her that she would have a baby girl! My dad's parents were wonderful people and they loved us so much. I always felt my mom was somewhat ashamed of them and this caused a rift between my parents. I will admit that they had a very different lifestyle but we sure had a fun time at their house. There are so many stories to tell but I will wait until I learn to scan their pictures into the computer then I will tell you some wild stories!
My other Grandparents were Eve and Walt Releford. Now, Walt was not grandma's first husband ( guess the nut does not fall too far from the tree!) but he was her last and the best Grandpa a girl could ever have. Together they were such a fun couple, they liked to have dinner parties, they belonged to a Square Dance club and Grandma was a wonderful baker and cook. They were such wonderful people and it broke my heart when Grandpa passed. He would tell such wild stories and I always wondered what was true and what he said just to get a rise out of me..maybe they were all true!!
Although my grandparents were very different, I learned a lot from all of them. By their example, I learned to be a good Grandparent. At another time I will go into stories about all of them..some of my great memories. Boy, are there stories to tell!!
I hope I am able to complete Wendy's Album because I want her to to know as much about this side of the family as she can. I only wish I could give her information about her father, but that is not to be. I only remember bits and pieces about the night she was conceived. I wish there was a romantic story and that she could find the peace she deserves, but I know for sure she will Love my family as I do!
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| Mitch and Mardele on their wedding Day! |
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| I was born October 23, 1951 |
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| Dad, Mom and baby Shawn |
My other Grandparents were Eve and Walt Releford. Now, Walt was not grandma's first husband ( guess the nut does not fall too far from the tree!) but he was her last and the best Grandpa a girl could ever have. Together they were such a fun couple, they liked to have dinner parties, they belonged to a Square Dance club and Grandma was a wonderful baker and cook. They were such wonderful people and it broke my heart when Grandpa passed. He would tell such wild stories and I always wondered what was true and what he said just to get a rise out of me..maybe they were all true!!
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| Grandma, Grandpa and baby Shawn |
Although my grandparents were very different, I learned a lot from all of them. By their example, I learned to be a good Grandparent. At another time I will go into stories about all of them..some of my great memories. Boy, are there stories to tell!!
I hope I am able to complete Wendy's Album because I want her to to know as much about this side of the family as she can. I only wish I could give her information about her father, but that is not to be. I only remember bits and pieces about the night she was conceived. I wish there was a romantic story and that she could find the peace she deserves, but I know for sure she will Love my family as I do!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Is it 14 days or 13 days??
I added a Countdown Calendar to my blog and it just did not seem to add up. I think we have 13 days, but the calendar was already on 12. So, I changed it up a little but the time still isn't quite right. Actually, I do not think it matters , I just enjoy watching the time tick down!
This will be a very special meeting. Getting to know Wendy and her family is a dream come true. I never, in a million years, thought this would happen to me and I only wish that my family could join me.
I hoped the three Colorado Girls would come on this very important trip but the timing was not right. And, as we know, timing is everything. The girls had hoped I would wait until October but I felt I did not want to wait another minute because to me this will be a full circle event. I am so grateful that Amber will be joining me.
I gave birth to Wendy and gave her up for adoption on September 7, 1968. I will meet her and her family on September 4, 2010. There has been a life time of birthdays and holidays I was unable to share with her. I did not get to see her walk her first steps or hear her babble her first words. I missed her first days of school and her graduation. I did not get to hear her tales of fun weekends or hear her feelings about the Man she would marry. I was not at her wedding or there for the births of her children. I have so much to learn about all of these times.
I hope my Girls can understand my need to go in September. I would love Tiffany and Erin to be there but I know it is not possible. I so enjoy being a mother to them and their brothers and we have so many great memories. I was there for all the milestones in their lives and I was there to pick them up when they fell. Always remember, I am still here and I love all of you more than I can express. You are all a gift from God and I am thrilled, and blessed, to be adding Wendy and her family to our family.
With love,
Mom
This will be a very special meeting. Getting to know Wendy and her family is a dream come true. I never, in a million years, thought this would happen to me and I only wish that my family could join me.
I hoped the three Colorado Girls would come on this very important trip but the timing was not right. And, as we know, timing is everything. The girls had hoped I would wait until October but I felt I did not want to wait another minute because to me this will be a full circle event. I am so grateful that Amber will be joining me.
I gave birth to Wendy and gave her up for adoption on September 7, 1968. I will meet her and her family on September 4, 2010. There has been a life time of birthdays and holidays I was unable to share with her. I did not get to see her walk her first steps or hear her babble her first words. I missed her first days of school and her graduation. I did not get to hear her tales of fun weekends or hear her feelings about the Man she would marry. I was not at her wedding or there for the births of her children. I have so much to learn about all of these times.
I hope my Girls can understand my need to go in September. I would love Tiffany and Erin to be there but I know it is not possible. I so enjoy being a mother to them and their brothers and we have so many great memories. I was there for all the milestones in their lives and I was there to pick them up when they fell. Always remember, I am still here and I love all of you more than I can express. You are all a gift from God and I am thrilled, and blessed, to be adding Wendy and her family to our family.
With love,
Mom
The Red Bird
I tried to stay off of the computer but I have to get this off of my mind.
Last night I was going through some of the many pictures we had loaded on the computer. I came across several pictures from my mothers funeral, among the pictures was one of the Red Bird. Now for those who do not know the story of the Red Bird, I will try to make a long story short.
Bill and I traveled to Camp Verde, Arizona to visit my mother, grandmother, brother and his family. It had been seven months since Dad had passed and Mom wanted us to get some of Grandma's belongings out of a storage shed. At that time, Grandma was living in an assisted living home and had dementia. We were having a wonderful visit, probably the best time I had with Mom in a long time. We laughed, visited and reconnected as a family.
One day we were visiting at Kevin and Debbie's house going through, and dividing, Grandma's jewelry among all the girls. We were all in their living room having a great time when a Red Bird started flying towards the window. This bird was hovering at the window, he appeared to be looking in at us..trying to get in. He would fly back to a tree then come back to the window and just flap his wings right in front of the window. This was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. We all kept watching the bird as it continued to look in the window. Now, this did not happen over a few minutes..it went on and on..never hitting the window just looking through the glass. At the time, I had a very nervous feeling not knowing what to think of this bird. In fact, to this day, when I think of the bird I get a very strong pit in my gut.
This bird acted like it wanted to tell us something and it was really giving Debbie and I the creeps! The bird ended up resting on the side mirror of Kevin's truck. This bird stayed at the house the entire day. The next morning it was gone.
Two days later we were on our way back to Colorado. We were driving through Santa Fe, New Mexico when my cell phone rang..it was Kevin..my mother had just been killed in a car accident. Maybe this bird was trying to warn us.
This morning I sent Debbie a post on FB that I had found a picture of that damn Red Bird.
She posted back: OMG I have to call you...
Debbie called and told me the rest of the story.
Several months ago she and her brother, Mace, were sitting on the back porch of her home in Texas. She told me that Mace had stopped by around lunch time and they were sitting outside having a glass of tea watching the little ones play. Mace was sitting facing the yard, looked up into the tree and saw a Red Bird! He told Debbie to look at the bird and (per her words) she started freaking out. Mace did not know the story behind the Red Bird so Debbie explained what had happened a few days before Mom's death. After telling the story Mace said " I am going to die, I will probably leave here and get into an accident on my motorcycle." Debbie told him to quit talking like that and she didn't want to talk about the bird anymore.
Hours later, Mace had a massive stroke. Mace was a very strong man and hung on for three months. During this very difficult time, Debbie went to the hospital on a daily basis to sit with her brother. She told me she was driving to the hospital one day when, again, she saw a Red Bird! The bird was flying right above the windshield of her truck. Mace passed about a week later.
I really enjoyed getting to know Mace during our visit to Texas. He was such a fun loving guy and reminded me so much of Dad..a drink in his hand and a story to tell!
I don't know what the Red Bird means in our lives. Debbie and I wonder if it was Dad, her dad or an angel warning us that we will need to be strong? Red is the color of strength.
Last night I was going through some of the many pictures we had loaded on the computer. I came across several pictures from my mothers funeral, among the pictures was one of the Red Bird. Now for those who do not know the story of the Red Bird, I will try to make a long story short.
Bill and I traveled to Camp Verde, Arizona to visit my mother, grandmother, brother and his family. It had been seven months since Dad had passed and Mom wanted us to get some of Grandma's belongings out of a storage shed. At that time, Grandma was living in an assisted living home and had dementia. We were having a wonderful visit, probably the best time I had with Mom in a long time. We laughed, visited and reconnected as a family.
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| Mom, Grandma, Kevin and Debbie |
One day we were visiting at Kevin and Debbie's house going through, and dividing, Grandma's jewelry among all the girls. We were all in their living room having a great time when a Red Bird started flying towards the window. This bird was hovering at the window, he appeared to be looking in at us..trying to get in. He would fly back to a tree then come back to the window and just flap his wings right in front of the window. This was the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. We all kept watching the bird as it continued to look in the window. Now, this did not happen over a few minutes..it went on and on..never hitting the window just looking through the glass. At the time, I had a very nervous feeling not knowing what to think of this bird. In fact, to this day, when I think of the bird I get a very strong pit in my gut.
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| You can see the Red Bird in the tree. |
This bird acted like it wanted to tell us something and it was really giving Debbie and I the creeps! The bird ended up resting on the side mirror of Kevin's truck. This bird stayed at the house the entire day. The next morning it was gone.
Two days later we were on our way back to Colorado. We were driving through Santa Fe, New Mexico when my cell phone rang..it was Kevin..my mother had just been killed in a car accident. Maybe this bird was trying to warn us.
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| Mom was so happy! |
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| She was now happy in her Grandma role. |
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| Always In Our Hearts This cross, made by a good friend of Kevin and Debbie, sits at the site where Mom had her car accident |
This morning I sent Debbie a post on FB that I had found a picture of that damn Red Bird.
She posted back: OMG I have to call you...
Debbie called and told me the rest of the story.
Several months ago she and her brother, Mace, were sitting on the back porch of her home in Texas. She told me that Mace had stopped by around lunch time and they were sitting outside having a glass of tea watching the little ones play. Mace was sitting facing the yard, looked up into the tree and saw a Red Bird! He told Debbie to look at the bird and (per her words) she started freaking out. Mace did not know the story behind the Red Bird so Debbie explained what had happened a few days before Mom's death. After telling the story Mace said " I am going to die, I will probably leave here and get into an accident on my motorcycle." Debbie told him to quit talking like that and she didn't want to talk about the bird anymore.
Hours later, Mace had a massive stroke. Mace was a very strong man and hung on for three months. During this very difficult time, Debbie went to the hospital on a daily basis to sit with her brother. She told me she was driving to the hospital one day when, again, she saw a Red Bird! The bird was flying right above the windshield of her truck. Mace passed about a week later.
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| Kevin, Debbie and Mace at Shawn's wedding. |
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| I wish this was not blurry..Uncle Mace toasting the Bride and Groom! |
I don't know what the Red Bird means in our lives. Debbie and I wonder if it was Dad, her dad or an angel warning us that we will need to be strong? Red is the color of strength.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Counting Down the Days
I remember knitting for hours on end, day after day not knowing exactly where I was going with the yarn. My Grandmother gave me a pattern and each night she would check my progress looking for dropped stitches. If I made a mistake she would have me rip to that point then continue with the pattern. My tension of the yarn was not the same throughout the piece, which gave it a rippled effect, but I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment as I learned this new skill. I think she was also teaching me a life lesson..Dropped stitches are not the end of the world, with a little work you can continue on.
I will always remember the night my water broke. We were watching TV, I needed to use the bathroom and It Happened..a gush of fluid. Oh my goodness, now what was I supposed to do. When I went back to the living room my Grandmother asked me what was the matter. She could tell by the look on my face that something was wrong, when I told her she decided to take me to the hospital. We all piled into the car and away we went!
When we arrived at the hospital I was rushed into an examining room..Yes, my water had broke but I was not in labor..I had to stay at the hospital but they sent my grandparents home. There I was a sixteen year old girl, alone, not knowing what was going to happen next. I do not know what time the labor started but when it did it was quite a shock! From here on end it is very fuzzy, I am sure they kept me drugged. I can remember the pain, calling out for my Mom, and then being taken to the delivery room. The doctor kept telling me to push..PUSH WHAT my mind was screaming.
Suddenly, I felt total relief and I heard a baby crying. The nurse had my baby on a counter, or a table, to the left of me..the baby was crying, I was trying to see but all I saw was kicking legs! Then I had a glimpse of a sweet little head. "Is she all right?" The doctor said she was fine and told me that I was not supposed to look at her. That was it..No LOOKING, No HOLDING..NOTHING. I felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my body!
My mother was notified of the birth and she came to Show Low. She and my Grandmother visited me in the hospital..I know they saw my baby..they never said they did but I know in my heart. I was to stay in my room except for going down the hall to the bathroom. I felt so alone. I do not remember how long I stayed in the hospital but I do remember those first few days back home.
My days were OK..I tried to keep busy..but the nights were awful. I would try to sleep but I could not quit crying. I worried that my baby would not know why I had to give her up, that she would feel I did not love her. I ached that I could not hold her or kiss that sweet little head. I had many long, sleepless nights. I vividly recall looking at the stars through my bedroom window, crying to God to please let my baby know that I loved her! My Grandmother tried to assure me that the couple that adopted my baby were very nice and would give her the life she deserved. At that time, I did not want to hear those words, I knew I could not take care of a baby but I did not want to hear about the adoptive parents. I WANTED MY BABY!
As time went by, and the hormones evened out, I knew Deanna was where she needed to be. I loved her but would not be able to care for her. I did not have the maturity to care for a baby on my own and I had to trust everything my Grandmother told me about the adoptive parents.
The wisdom I have now is this: If a mother is going to give up her baby she needs to go to counseling before the birth. Everything was a secret, swept under the rugs, and then you are expected to step back into your old life, go back to school and play like nothing happened.
Back to the knitting. I completed the project before I returned to Phoenix. I had made a sweater for my mother. I left the knitted pieces behind for my Grandmother to stitch together, it was not perfect but my Grandparents were so proud of my effort. I could not believe it, me.. Shawn, had made a sweater! I needed a sense of accomplishment at that time. When my Grandparents came for Christmas,they brought the sweater , wrapped and ready to give to my mother. She opened the present and seemed pleased but she never wore the sweater.
I will always remember the night my water broke. We were watching TV, I needed to use the bathroom and It Happened..a gush of fluid. Oh my goodness, now what was I supposed to do. When I went back to the living room my Grandmother asked me what was the matter. She could tell by the look on my face that something was wrong, when I told her she decided to take me to the hospital. We all piled into the car and away we went!
When we arrived at the hospital I was rushed into an examining room..Yes, my water had broke but I was not in labor..I had to stay at the hospital but they sent my grandparents home. There I was a sixteen year old girl, alone, not knowing what was going to happen next. I do not know what time the labor started but when it did it was quite a shock! From here on end it is very fuzzy, I am sure they kept me drugged. I can remember the pain, calling out for my Mom, and then being taken to the delivery room. The doctor kept telling me to push..PUSH WHAT my mind was screaming.
Suddenly, I felt total relief and I heard a baby crying. The nurse had my baby on a counter, or a table, to the left of me..the baby was crying, I was trying to see but all I saw was kicking legs! Then I had a glimpse of a sweet little head. "Is she all right?" The doctor said she was fine and told me that I was not supposed to look at her. That was it..No LOOKING, No HOLDING..NOTHING. I felt as though my heart was being ripped out of my body!
My mother was notified of the birth and she came to Show Low. She and my Grandmother visited me in the hospital..I know they saw my baby..they never said they did but I know in my heart. I was to stay in my room except for going down the hall to the bathroom. I felt so alone. I do not remember how long I stayed in the hospital but I do remember those first few days back home.
My days were OK..I tried to keep busy..but the nights were awful. I would try to sleep but I could not quit crying. I worried that my baby would not know why I had to give her up, that she would feel I did not love her. I ached that I could not hold her or kiss that sweet little head. I had many long, sleepless nights. I vividly recall looking at the stars through my bedroom window, crying to God to please let my baby know that I loved her! My Grandmother tried to assure me that the couple that adopted my baby were very nice and would give her the life she deserved. At that time, I did not want to hear those words, I knew I could not take care of a baby but I did not want to hear about the adoptive parents. I WANTED MY BABY!
As time went by, and the hormones evened out, I knew Deanna was where she needed to be. I loved her but would not be able to care for her. I did not have the maturity to care for a baby on my own and I had to trust everything my Grandmother told me about the adoptive parents.
The wisdom I have now is this: If a mother is going to give up her baby she needs to go to counseling before the birth. Everything was a secret, swept under the rugs, and then you are expected to step back into your old life, go back to school and play like nothing happened.
Back to the knitting. I completed the project before I returned to Phoenix. I had made a sweater for my mother. I left the knitted pieces behind for my Grandmother to stitch together, it was not perfect but my Grandparents were so proud of my effort. I could not believe it, me.. Shawn, had made a sweater! I needed a sense of accomplishment at that time. When my Grandparents came for Christmas,they brought the sweater , wrapped and ready to give to my mother. She opened the present and seemed pleased but she never wore the sweater.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
17 days and counting!
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive.
-Sir Walter Scott
When I left off yesterday, I was living in the White Mountains of Arizona with my Grandparents. This was a very peaceful time.My Grandmother taught me to knit so I spent my days knitting and watching TV. Also, I had friends who were stationed in Viet Nam so I baked cookies, made fudge and sent care Packages to them.
Now for the hard part. Like I said before, being a pregnant teenager in the 60's was kept hush hushed. Girls were sent away to special schools to keep the SECRET. My mother, and grandmother, concocted so many lies to keep the SECRET that I had a hard time keeping track of them.
A few-
1. I had Valley Fever--that is why I was not in school.
2. I was recuperating in the White Mountains.
3. They bought me a little wedding band--I was married to a man
stationed in Viet Nam.
4. I kept the secret about the NIGHT--my Dad had a very bad temper
if someone crossed his family-He might have gone on a manhunt!
Oh what a tangled web.
Here is the most amazing thing..my brother, Kevin, never knew I had a baby until Wendy came into my life. He wanted to know if I have any other skeletons in my closet! Actually, he and Debbie, my sister-in-law, have been very supportive. Hopefully, Wendy and The Davis Clan will be able to meet soon.
I had told my daughters years ago that I had a baby when I was sixteen. When I told them about the Search Angel, they were surprised, loving and very supportive too. I can not answer for the three girls, but I am sure they have gone through many emotions. I know for myself, this has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I did not realize the magnitude of the guilt and sorrow I have held for all these years! I wondered if my baby was OK, if she had a good life, if she was loved and treated well. Now these questions have been answered. With the answers, I have found an inner peace.
-to be continued
When first we practice to deceive.
-Sir Walter Scott
When I left off yesterday, I was living in the White Mountains of Arizona with my Grandparents. This was a very peaceful time.My Grandmother taught me to knit so I spent my days knitting and watching TV. Also, I had friends who were stationed in Viet Nam so I baked cookies, made fudge and sent care Packages to them.
Now for the hard part. Like I said before, being a pregnant teenager in the 60's was kept hush hushed. Girls were sent away to special schools to keep the SECRET. My mother, and grandmother, concocted so many lies to keep the SECRET that I had a hard time keeping track of them.
A few-
1. I had Valley Fever--that is why I was not in school.
2. I was recuperating in the White Mountains.
3. They bought me a little wedding band--I was married to a man
stationed in Viet Nam.
4. I kept the secret about the NIGHT--my Dad had a very bad temper
if someone crossed his family-He might have gone on a manhunt!
Oh what a tangled web.
Here is the most amazing thing..my brother, Kevin, never knew I had a baby until Wendy came into my life. He wanted to know if I have any other skeletons in my closet! Actually, he and Debbie, my sister-in-law, have been very supportive. Hopefully, Wendy and The Davis Clan will be able to meet soon.
I had told my daughters years ago that I had a baby when I was sixteen. When I told them about the Search Angel, they were surprised, loving and very supportive too. I can not answer for the three girls, but I am sure they have gone through many emotions. I know for myself, this has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I did not realize the magnitude of the guilt and sorrow I have held for all these years! I wondered if my baby was OK, if she had a good life, if she was loved and treated well. Now these questions have been answered. With the answers, I have found an inner peace.
-to be continued
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
18 days and counting
I will soon be going to Phoenix to meet my daughter ,Wendy, and her family. Since Memorial Day weekend, when I received a message from the Search Angel that my birth daughter was looking for me, my life has been an exciting roller coaster.
Forty two years ago I was sixteen and pregnant. Now, back in those days nobody talked about teenage pregnancy, girls did not go to school pregnant. Back then there were homes for Unwed Mothers..how different it is today. I was sent away to my Grandparents house to continue my pregnancy, deliver the baby, then the baby would go up for adoption..no ifs ands or buts. I did not have any say in what would happen to the dear baby that I had dreamt about for so many months. I had planned out where a crib would go in my bedroom, I would get a part time job to help support the baby and take correspondence school courses at home. Well, none of that would ever happen because when my Mother found out the first words out of her mouth were "What will the neighbors think" and the second was " You will give the baby up for adoption..I will not help raise a baby". It is amazing to me that some of my memories are cloudy but those words from my mother I will never forget. I will not fault my Mother..it is just the way it was.
Off I went to Show Low, Arizona to spend the rest of my pregnancy with my Grandparents. I loved them so much and always felt total, unconditional love from them. I felt so bad that I had disappointed them but they never made me feel unloved, their support was amazing. Between them and my Aunt and Uncle I felt the love that I did not feel at home.
Every summer, since I was about seven until Wendy( I had named her Deanna.but love Wendy) was born, I spent with my grandparents in the White Mountains, I only wish that they had lived closer so I could have spent more time with them. They cherished me as I cherish my Grand Children!
Forty two years ago I was sixteen and pregnant. Now, back in those days nobody talked about teenage pregnancy, girls did not go to school pregnant. Back then there were homes for Unwed Mothers..how different it is today. I was sent away to my Grandparents house to continue my pregnancy, deliver the baby, then the baby would go up for adoption..no ifs ands or buts. I did not have any say in what would happen to the dear baby that I had dreamt about for so many months. I had planned out where a crib would go in my bedroom, I would get a part time job to help support the baby and take correspondence school courses at home. Well, none of that would ever happen because when my Mother found out the first words out of her mouth were "What will the neighbors think" and the second was " You will give the baby up for adoption..I will not help raise a baby". It is amazing to me that some of my memories are cloudy but those words from my mother I will never forget. I will not fault my Mother..it is just the way it was.
Off I went to Show Low, Arizona to spend the rest of my pregnancy with my Grandparents. I loved them so much and always felt total, unconditional love from them. I felt so bad that I had disappointed them but they never made me feel unloved, their support was amazing. Between them and my Aunt and Uncle I felt the love that I did not feel at home.
Every summer, since I was about seven until Wendy( I had named her Deanna.but love Wendy) was born, I spent with my grandparents in the White Mountains, I only wish that they had lived closer so I could have spent more time with them. They cherished me as I cherish my Grand Children!
I will end at this point and continue another day.....
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Cecil
OK, I had this bright idea that I would give the kitties a bath. I had been thinking about it for a while, they have been shedding and I thought it would get rid of some of the loose hair. I was at the grocery store today and on a special pet display....there it was...... one, lonely bottle of Cat Shampoo! It was fate..I had to buy the shampoo!
After putting the groceries away, I picked out my first victim..Cecil. ,
Cecil. a 6 1/2 pound Burmese, is my sweet little guy with a beautiful, sleek coat that looks like Mink.
I warmed the water. put a mat in the sink, and slowly got my little guy wet. He protested ,with some pretty loud MEOWS, while I was lathering him up but I tried to massage him so he would calm down. He was extremely tolerant until I started to rinse him off with the sprayer..then.. all Hell broke loose. He kept jumping up on me trying to get on my shoulder, he never scratched but I was definitely wetter than he was! I knew I had to get all the shampoo out or it might irritate his skin so this was a battle I had to WIN. I tried to hold him by the scuff of the neck but was having a hard time holding him and the sprayer and I sprayed myself right in the face. Me and my bright ideas!
By the time the shampoo was rinsed, we were both soaked. I got a towel and started drying my little drowned rat! Oh my gosh, what had I done..his hair was curly! I kept drying with the towel but the more I dried the curlier it got! I took him to the bathroom, plugged in the hair dryer and went to work. He really did not like this and the Meows turned to screatches! Back to the towel drying. now the curls were going away but the hairs were standing straight out like he had put his paw in a light socket! I tried to comb his hair but it was not smooth like had been before the shampoo. Had I ruined that beautiful silky coat?
I called Bill and told him I had ruined the Kittie. Bill is so logical and said that the shampoo had washed the oil out of his hair and that is why it did not look silky. My next thought was to rub some Olive Oil in his coat but Bill said "NO..just wait a week and it will look like it used to". Well, I hope so..time will tell!
Chloe...you are lucky..no bath for you!
After putting the groceries away, I picked out my first victim..Cecil. ,
Cecil. a 6 1/2 pound Burmese, is my sweet little guy with a beautiful, sleek coat that looks like Mink.
 |
| Cecil and Chloe |
I warmed the water. put a mat in the sink, and slowly got my little guy wet. He protested ,with some pretty loud MEOWS, while I was lathering him up but I tried to massage him so he would calm down. He was extremely tolerant until I started to rinse him off with the sprayer..then.. all Hell broke loose. He kept jumping up on me trying to get on my shoulder, he never scratched but I was definitely wetter than he was! I knew I had to get all the shampoo out or it might irritate his skin so this was a battle I had to WIN. I tried to hold him by the scuff of the neck but was having a hard time holding him and the sprayer and I sprayed myself right in the face. Me and my bright ideas!
By the time the shampoo was rinsed, we were both soaked. I got a towel and started drying my little drowned rat! Oh my gosh, what had I done..his hair was curly! I kept drying with the towel but the more I dried the curlier it got! I took him to the bathroom, plugged in the hair dryer and went to work. He really did not like this and the Meows turned to screatches! Back to the towel drying. now the curls were going away but the hairs were standing straight out like he had put his paw in a light socket! I tried to comb his hair but it was not smooth like had been before the shampoo. Had I ruined that beautiful silky coat?
I called Bill and told him I had ruined the Kittie. Bill is so logical and said that the shampoo had washed the oil out of his hair and that is why it did not look silky. My next thought was to rub some Olive Oil in his coat but Bill said "NO..just wait a week and it will look like it used to". Well, I hope so..time will tell!
Chloe...you are lucky..no bath for you!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Fun Times with the Colorado Grand kids!
Each summer I enjoy extra time with my grand children. This started several years ago when my kids were trying to figure out day care for their children during the summer months. At that time, I offered to have the little ones when I got off work on Wednesday nights through Thursday afternoon. Over the years, the schedule has changed to accommodate those that needed a sitter but the one thing that has not changed is; during the summer I have set days with my little angels and we all look forward to our time together.
Of course, when the children were younger it was a lot harder watching them in the pool and taking them places, but as they have gotten older it is so much easier to just load them in the car and away we go! Thank goodness, we do not have anymore car seats. When I have little Sarah, who is four and still needs a booster, I have too many kids to get in my car so we stay at the house and swim in the pool.
It is now the middle of July and we only have one more month before the kids go back to school. Everyone has enjoyed fun days at the pool, we went to the movies and had a field trip to Hammond's Candy Factory.
July 21-22, 2010
Since I had all seven kids we had to stay around the Condo and swim in the pool. What a great time they had jumping in to their rings and having races! They even played ring toss Unfortunately, some of the other kids in the pool used their rings and surf board and we ended up with holes in most of them. That was easy, off to Wallmart where we picked up some new pool toys at a wonderful price. I love end of summer sales!
July 28-29
Jonah was not able to join us this week because he was playing in a Golf Tournament. The good news is that he took 5th place! Erin brought Jaycie, Evan and Daylee over and I would pick up Emma from dance lessons at 8 pm. While waiting for Emma, the three decided to have a puppet show, Tiffany had made the stage using curtain rods which fit perfectly between my dinning room and the hallway. The show was great, the lines were so funny that I could not quit laughing..Jaycie was trying to film for UTUBE and my laughing was drowning out the sound of the play.
At eight I picked up Emma and we had spaghetti, Daylee's request, for dinner then we watched So You Think You Can Dance. This program has become one of our favorites...I can see Emma on the program in 10 years! The next day Jaycie and I went to pick up Ryan and Sarah and it was off to the pool for another fun day.
August 4-5
Time is flying and the summer is drawing to an end. Daylee has started volleyball and Evan's football practice is on Wednesday nights..those two are the first to leave Nana's Wednesday Nights. We miss them but we know that it is almost time for school to start and we only have a few more weeks left. Oh, by the way, Evan made Quarterback for his team!
Amber dropped Emma, Jonah and Jaycie off at the Surgery Center which saved her about 30min in driving time. I had some work to finish and by the time we were ready to leave a big rain storm started. It looked like a hurricane, the wind was blowing sideways and the rain was coming down in sheets! I wanted to wait it out but the kids wanted to make a run for the car..Guess Who Won! By the time we got to the car, we were all soaked, cold and laughing. Emma turned the heater up in the car and away we went. We had only driven a few miles when it started to clear up, the sun came out and the clouds cleared. Go figure that is Colorado weather.
Jaycie's Birthday is August 7th so I decided to celebrate with her on the 5th. I had bought ingredients to make vanilla cupcakes with whip cream and strawberry frosting. After breakfast the girls decided they wanted to make the cupcakes before we went out to the pool.
I have a great picture of Emma, hiding in the kitchen, licking the beater but I will get her permission before I post it since she is in her bikini.
After the cupcakes were finished baking, Jonah asked me to take a few pictures of him lifting a boulder he had found in our complex.
After Jonah lifted this huge boulder, we spent the rest of our time together at the pool. The kids love to have their pictures taken.
We had a great time at the pool but unfortunately our time was cut short because...well I am sure the kids will remember....but What Happens at Nana's Stays at Nana's!!!! Lets just say Jonah was the police and protector of our group today.
After we went in, had lunch and ate the yummy cupcakes, it was time for the kids to get ready to leave. Emma decided to show us one last stretch and Jaycie and I tried to follow.
Ok, now I know you can not imagine me doing this pose, but I did give it my all and did not fall down...nor did I even come close to the pose! Jaycie gave it her all too.
Summer is now drawing to an end and I will miss these special times. It has been so much fun watching, and listening to these seven wonderful young souls. They have laughed, cried, fought, made up,.....
.............and just been normal, very well behaved, young individuals.
They amaze me with their insight, their knowledge about science (just have a talk with Evan), their compassion for all living creatures ( all of them), their thoughts on social or political views ( Jaycie and Jonah), their creativity (Daylee) and their love for the arts (Emma, who's progress in dancing is outstanding), for her beautiful red hair and sweet disposition (Miss Sarah) and for reminding me most of his parent (Ryan, you are the spitting image of your Dad).
I love all of you and am so lucky to be your NANA. I hope we have many more fun days in the sun!
Of course, when the children were younger it was a lot harder watching them in the pool and taking them places, but as they have gotten older it is so much easier to just load them in the car and away we go! Thank goodness, we do not have anymore car seats. When I have little Sarah, who is four and still needs a booster, I have too many kids to get in my car so we stay at the house and swim in the pool.
One of the most wonderful things about having the grand kiddos is the one-on-one time that you do not get when their parents are around. I can not monetarily spoil them, but hopefully, when they are adults, they will have many memories of times with Nana. I only wish I would have know about the blogging when they were younger because so many funny things happened and because I did not write things down I do not remember everything only bits and pieces. Well, better late than never. Now is the time to jot down what we have done this summer and even though this is in my blog it will be a journal for the grand kids to read.
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| Nana's Angels!!! Top to bottom |
Emma 13, Jaycie 12, Jonah 11, Daylee 10, Evan 8, Ryan 8 and Sarah 4.
Summer 2010
Summer 2010
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| KIDS IN A CANDY STORE!!!! |
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| Jaycie and Daylee..the smiles on their faces was Priceless! |
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| Emma and Jonah deciding what they want to buy. |
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| Evan could not believe the size of this Jaw Breaker..of course he wanted this more than any other candy at the store! |
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| We were able to watch the workers making Candy Canes..Yummy! |
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| Antique candy making machines |
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| At the check out |
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| Purchasing the LOOT! |
July 21-22, 2010
Last night Erin brought over the first batch of kids..Jonah, Jaycie, Evan and Daylee. Shawn soon followed with Ryan and Sarah, then I picked up Emma from dancing at 8 PM. The kids were great, they were all laughing and getting along well. We had sloppy joe's and tater tots for dinner followed by Popsicle's for dessert. Knowing these kids eat frequently, especially Little Miss Sarah, I decided to cut up apples in wedges, put them in baggies (one baggie for each child) and sprinkle cinnamon on the slices. I then stuck them in fridge for them to have as a late night snack. Yes, late night is the right word..as some were still awake at 1 AM. They played, laughed and watched Shrek 2 before finally falling asleep.
Jonah had said he wanted to go on a run with me so around 7 AM I tried to wake him up. Believe me, he was having no part of the waking up! WE having been planning this run for several weeks and either he forgot his running shoes or there was some other excuse! Sometime this summer I am going to get him on the running path..even though I know he will put me to shame
Since I had all seven kids we had to stay around the Condo and swim in the pool. What a great time they had jumping in to their rings and having races! They even played ring toss Unfortunately, some of the other kids in the pool used their rings and surf board and we ended up with holes in most of them. That was easy, off to Wallmart where we picked up some new pool toys at a wonderful price. I love end of summer sales!
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| Emma, Daylee, Jonah, Evan, Sarah, Jaycie and bringing up the rear..Ryan |
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| Jaycie and Daylee |
 |
Playing a game of Ring Toss |
The kids have a great time getting ready for bed at Nana's house. They move the coffee table and throw quilts and blankets on the floor, then curl up and watch movies until they fall asleep..
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| Ok, maybe they don't curl up right away! |
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| This picture is a little dark but they are getting ready to do stretching exercises. |
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| 1st Place to Emma! |
Jonah was not able to join us this week because he was playing in a Golf Tournament. The good news is that he took 5th place! Erin brought Jaycie, Evan and Daylee over and I would pick up Emma from dance lessons at 8 pm. While waiting for Emma, the three decided to have a puppet show, Tiffany had made the stage using curtain rods which fit perfectly between my dinning room and the hallway. The show was great, the lines were so funny that I could not quit laughing..Jaycie was trying to film for UTUBE and my laughing was drowning out the sound of the play.
 |
| This is their puppet stage that Tiffany made. |
 |
| The whole cast of characters during the final bow! Jaycie's hand trying to video tape. |
At eight I picked up Emma and we had spaghetti, Daylee's request, for dinner then we watched So You Think You Can Dance. This program has become one of our favorites...I can see Emma on the program in 10 years! The next day Jaycie and I went to pick up Ryan and Sarah and it was off to the pool for another fun day.
August 4-5
Time is flying and the summer is drawing to an end. Daylee has started volleyball and Evan's football practice is on Wednesday nights..those two are the first to leave Nana's Wednesday Nights. We miss them but we know that it is almost time for school to start and we only have a few more weeks left. Oh, by the way, Evan made Quarterback for his team!
Amber dropped Emma, Jonah and Jaycie off at the Surgery Center which saved her about 30min in driving time. I had some work to finish and by the time we were ready to leave a big rain storm started. It looked like a hurricane, the wind was blowing sideways and the rain was coming down in sheets! I wanted to wait it out but the kids wanted to make a run for the car..Guess Who Won! By the time we got to the car, we were all soaked, cold and laughing. Emma turned the heater up in the car and away we went. We had only driven a few miles when it started to clear up, the sun came out and the clouds cleared. Go figure that is Colorado weather.
 |
| Just a picture of Sarah touching her tongue to her nose!! This is a talent she is very proud of! |
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| The Birthday Girl! |
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| Jaycie making her Birthday Cupcakes! |
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| Sarah licking the beater..her favorite thing to do! |
After the cupcakes were finished baking, Jonah asked me to take a few pictures of him lifting a boulder he had found in our complex.
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| "Nana, look at my muscles" |
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| "UGH!" |
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| "I DID IT" |
After Jonah lifted this huge boulder, we spent the rest of our time together at the pool. The kids love to have their pictures taken.  |
| Emma with one of the pool toys from Wallmart. |
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| Ryan playing with a ball |
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| "Nana, take a picture of me diving!" Emma |
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| "ME TOO!!!" Jonah |
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| "Now take this picture!" Emma, Jaycie and Jonah |
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| Jaycie and Sarah. Sarah's bangs are always in her eyes! |
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| Emma and Sarah. The oldest cousin with the youngest! |
After we went in, had lunch and ate the yummy cupcakes, it was time for the kids to get ready to leave. Emma decided to show us one last stretch and Jaycie and I tried to follow.
 |
Summer is now drawing to an end and I will miss these special times. It has been so much fun watching, and listening to these seven wonderful young souls. They have laughed, cried, fought, made up,.....
 |
| Hugged |
They amaze me with their insight, their knowledge about science (just have a talk with Evan), their compassion for all living creatures ( all of them), their thoughts on social or political views ( Jaycie and Jonah), their creativity (Daylee) and their love for the arts (Emma, who's progress in dancing is outstanding), for her beautiful red hair and sweet disposition (Miss Sarah) and for reminding me most of his parent (Ryan, you are the spitting image of your Dad).
I love all of you and am so lucky to be your NANA. I hope we have many more fun days in the sun!
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