Tuesday, August 17, 2010

18 days and counting

I will soon be going to Phoenix to meet my daughter ,Wendy, and her family. Since Memorial Day weekend, when I received a message from the Search Angel that my birth daughter was looking for me, my life has been an exciting roller coaster.

Forty two years ago I was sixteen and pregnant. Now, back in those days nobody talked about teenage pregnancy, girls did not go to school pregnant. Back then there were homes for Unwed Mothers..how different it is today. I was sent away to my Grandparents house to continue my pregnancy, deliver the baby, then the baby would go up for adoption..no ifs ands or buts. I did not have any say in what would happen to the dear baby that I had dreamt about for so many months. I had planned out where a crib would go in my bedroom, I would get a part time job to help support the baby and take correspondence school courses at home. Well, none of that would ever happen because when my Mother found out the first words out of her mouth were "What will the neighbors think" and the second was " You will give the baby up for adoption..I will not help raise a baby".  It is amazing to me that some of my memories are cloudy but those words from my mother I will never forget. I will not fault my Mother..it is just the way it was.

Off I went to Show Low, Arizona to spend the rest of my pregnancy with my Grandparents. I loved them so much and always felt total, unconditional love from them. I felt so bad that I had disappointed them but they never made me feel unloved, their support was amazing.  Between them and my Aunt and Uncle I felt the love that I did not feel at home.

 Every summer, since I was about seven until Wendy( I had named her Deanna.but love Wendy) was born, I spent with my grandparents in the White Mountains, I only wish that they had lived closer so I could have spent more time with them. They cherished me as I cherish my Grand Children!
I will end at this point and continue another day..... 


  1. It is so amazing to hear some of the things that have been mysteries for so long finally being answered. I know it was difficult (VERY difficult) for you at the time and since but I have to tell you that Wendy has been a great older sister and I am so thankful that she has been in our lives.
    I think me and my little family will be able to meet you that weekend for maybe an evening. We look forward to it.
    ps. I think it is interesting that you would have named her Deanna:)

  2. Kandra, I know Wendy has been a loving daughter, sister, wife, mother and aunt to your family. I know because she has always been in my heart! I look forward to meeting your family, I only wish that more of mine could make it to Phoenix but Labor Day weekend did not work with everyone and I was not willing to postpone my long awaited journey!