Wednesday, August 18, 2010

17 days and counting!

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive.
-Sir Walter Scott

When I left off yesterday, I was living in the White Mountains of Arizona with my Grandparents. This was a very peaceful time.My Grandmother taught me to knit so I spent my days knitting and watching TV. Also, I had friends who were stationed in Viet Nam so I baked cookies, made fudge and sent care Packages to them.

Now for the hard part. Like I said before, being a pregnant teenager in the 60's was kept hush hushed. Girls were sent away to special schools to keep the SECRET. My mother, and grandmother, concocted so many lies to keep the SECRET that I had a hard time keeping track of them.
A few-

     1.   I had Valley Fever--that is why I was not in school.
     2.   I was recuperating in the White Mountains.
     3.   They bought me a little wedding band--I was married to a man
            stationed in Viet Nam. 
     4.   I kept the secret about the NIGHT--my Dad had a very bad temper 
            if someone crossed his family-He might have gone on a manhunt!   
Oh what a tangled web. 

Here is the most amazing brother, Kevin, never knew I had a baby until Wendy came into my life. He wanted to know if I have any other skeletons in my closet! Actually, he and Debbie, my sister-in-law, have been very supportive. Hopefully,  Wendy and The Davis Clan will be able to meet soon. 

I had told my daughters years ago that I had a baby when I was sixteen. When I told them about the Search Angel, they were surprised, loving and very supportive too.  I can not answer for the three girls, but I am sure they have gone through many emotions. I know for myself, this has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. I did not realize the magnitude of the guilt and sorrow I have held for all these years!  I  wondered if my baby was OK, if she had a good life, if she was loved and treated well. Now these questions have been answered. With the answers, I have found an inner peace.

-to be continued


  1. I was just able to get to your blog. This has been such a special journey for me so far!! I've always wondered who you were and who I looked like. My family is quite tan and I look albino compared to them:) I would always go to the malls in the Valley and look to see if anyone looked like me. Finally the search is over!!
    I'm so thankful to your grandparents who took you in and loved you through the difficult circumstances that you were going through.
    I've told you before, but I'm so thankful for your unselfishness, even though not by choice, to have given me up. I was raised by amazing parents.
    I so can't wait to see you too! Thanks for giving more background on the pregnancy, its nice to know more about my adoption and your feelings when it happened.
    I can't imagine the pain you suffered all these years, but hopefully, by meeting we can get special memories started to lessen the pain of the past.
    Hugs and loves--Wendy

  2. We will have a wonderful journey and hopefully this will be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. I hope my journal does not upset you but I feel this is a path I need to take. I will try to share my thoughts and memories of that time to continue to sort the rush of emotions filling my body and soul, is almost Sept!

  3. Your posts are really good for me!! I have always wondered what you were going through and thinking, so this is much appreciated. It just makes me admire you all the more:)

  4. I’m Wendy’s friend Sandi. I’m so glad that you are writing your story down. It’s probably the greatest thing you can do for Wendy. Even if there is some bad, she would still want and needs to hear it. It just makes her love you more!!
    I can feel the love you have for her from your story. I’m so glad she found you!
    She has been my greatest supporter through my kid’s adoptions. I’m so thankful for her and you for your sacrifice! I’m blessed because of it!! I get her as a friend!

  5. Sandi, Thank you so much for the comment on my blog. I wrestled with the idea of putting these thoughts on the blog but hoped it would help me sort out memories and give Wendy some insight into her beginning! Thanks for being such a good friend to Wendy!