I am sitting at the computer after reading the blog that Kendra, Wendy's sister, posted on our wonderful Labor Day Weekend. For some reason I can not quit crying and felt the need to sort my feelings.I have been working on a blog about the Loveland fire, but that will have to wait.
Through Kandra's eyes ( camera) I continue to have new, and emotional feelings, about that first meeting. The first time I was able to touch Wendy is a feeling that I can not describe in words. I sit here trying to think of a word that could describe the sheer bliss of that feeling and am unable to define, or translate, what it felt like. At times, my body aches to hold the little baby that I saw in the photo albums, but reality is, I have a beautiful, 42 year old birth daughter. The moment when I was finally able to give her that first hug I realized my life was now complete. If God took me today, I would have no regrets!
I so love my children, the ones I gave birth to and raised, and now I have been given the gift of knowing the one that I had to give up so many years go. I have always loved my first child, but never thought I would meet her. I knew I had a daughter but was never allowed to hold her, tell her how much I loved her and always wondered if she hated me for giving her up. Shortly after Wendy's birth, Ma Eve told me that she would always know that I loved her...but would she.
Dawna shared with me a time when Wendy yelled " I hate my birth mom because she must have hated me because she gave me up!" I hope I stated this right..but it so sounds like a teenager! Dawna assured Wendy that I gave her up because I could not take care of her......but you know GIRLS!
On a brighter note, one of my favorite pictures is the one with Dave. He is a true and genuine man and you can see this from the picture. I love him and will always be grateful that he loves, and cherishes, Wendy.
The Skousen family is truly amazing. In the short time we were together, I formed a deep and everlasting bond with them.I have looked at my pictures so often that I wonder if my Ipad will fry! I can not wait until our next meeting. I am so proud to have these five,wonderful and loving Grand Kiddos to add to our Clan!
I am such a lucky woman to have Wendy..the first born and her Teddy Bear Husband Dave
and..
Erin, as a child so book smart with no common sense, now the athlete, the Wonder Woman. a very special friend and daughter that does not mind spending time with me! I so enjoy our phone calls!
and..
Shawn..the teacher..the easy going..never a care..it is all good..My Son and his lovely wife Mary..who puts on a great party..has a beautiful smile and makes my son happy.
and..
Tiffany..the stylist, my party girl..has a host of friends.. is always busy with work and friends and although we do not spend a lot of time together we have a great time when we are able to ..and her husband Jesse..these TWO Peas in a Pod make the perfect couple.
and..
Aaron..my free spirit, the adventurer, was the dare devil..my 2nd son..and his beautiful bride Kelly..our over achiever who hopefully will be accepted in a PHD program..the perfect match who challenges Aaron and pushes him to be the Man he is meant to be!
And my Amber..the strong woman..who has always had a mind of her own and not afraid to share it..the psychologist..my new travel partner ( thanks again..you were amazing)..the one who went through so much as a child with grace and was always so brave! Our hero!
Then I have Bills kids:
Debbie..oh yes, we could have a great time together ..!!!!!!!!!!
Thomas..I so admire him for raising three beautiful girls.
Lisa..always keeps in touch with her Dad!
Lara do not know her well but would like to!
Then I have all the Grandchildren..with Wendy's children..I have 12 Summer, Autumn, Skyler, Hunter, Clay, Emma, Jonah, Jaycie, Daylee, Evan, Ryan, Sarah.. with Bills we have a total of 22!!!; Whitney, Lenaea, Nile, Yma, Mesa, Meadow, Chunsi, Mignon, Delaney and Dillon
Life can not get any better!
I totally regret saying those words so long ago!!! I knew you loved me from the time you found out you were pregnant with me. I do love you for giving me a life with amazing parents and siblings. I now get to know you and the whole family and I can't wait to meet them:)I couldn't have asked for a greater birth mom than you! You have been in my heart for many years now I have felt you in my arms and I will never let go!! HUGS
ReplyDelete(Hope that wasn't to overboard, but I just have to say how I feel)
Do not regret the words you said because at the time it is how you felt and that is OK....that was a long time ago..the growing up process is so hard then to wonder why your birth mother gave you up..that just magnifies those feelings!
ReplyDeleteJust read your comment to Kandra, I'm tearing up as I write this so hopefully my fingers can just keep typing! It was such a selfish point in my teenagehood, when I said that horrible phrase, but my mom certainly set me straight!!! The more she talked to me, I knew you loved me more than life itself. There truly is no greater gift than a mothers love for her child. I have felt that with you since the moment we found each other. It has been such a blessing to finally know the background of my birth. You are such an amazing mom and Nana. I am so excited to see you again also:)
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